Buyers remorse after a tummy tuck. Freaking out because “what did I do?” “why did I do this?” I want my old nose / boobs/ tummy back. Depression.
What?
When you see stories of plastic surgery and the overjoyed AFTER!!, you don’t see the journey.
For many, choosing to do elective cosmetic surgery can really mess with their mind. I wrote a blog years ago called Buyer’s Remorse after a Tummy Tuck HERE , because two patients who were distraught the week after their surgery had sent me letters and presents telling me it was the best thing they’d ever done! So happy!
But they weren’t happy the first week after surgery.
Common things to think about.
- Family & Friends may support you, but they may not understand what is normal with healing. Their comments may create unintentional emotional turmoil for you. And though plastic surgery is more accepted now, your friends may have opinions. Or they may want to talk to you about it but don’t know how to bring it up.
- No one noticed. This is a tricky one. Many of my patients are super under the radar types, and they don’t want people to notice. But if no one says “You look rested!” “Did you lose weight?” they think the surgery was not successful. Also many times you forget what you looked like before surgery (we freeze frame ourselves in our minds at a younger, more in shape self). What were your expectations?
- What message am I sending? For many of my patients, elective cosmetic surgery conflicts with their identity. They aren’t the Real Housewife plastic surgery type. They work out and diet to lose weight, not get liposuction. “I would never do a facelift!” And then they turn 60 and think I can’t live like this, and do a facelift. You may feel bad about “what message am I sending to my daughter?” This whole concept is tricky.
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- There are some things you cannot fix by diet, exercise, and sheer will. When your breasts are droopy or your muscles are split from pregnancy, there are times only surgery can fix it.
- Plastic surgery, even elective “cosmetic” surgery, still has some real health benefits. In my practice, I focus a lot on natural results, and many of the surgeries I do are truly repair issues. When you have a breast reduction it helps significantly with back and neck strain. I have had patients on disability who were able to return to work, people who can now exercise. I had one patient scheduled for jaw surgery who canceled it, as her jaw pain went away after her breast reduction. Eyelid surgery? Helps with your visual fields and eye strain. Tummy tucks? Repair the abdominal muscles, which helps with posture, low back pain, and urinary incontinence.
- I would rather have you do plastic surgery to fix something than see you do bad diets or habits to deal with it. What do I mean? I had a friend who was a strong pear shape. She exercised for 2 hours a day to lose her “thunder thighs.” (She thankfully did not have an eating disorder, though I know many women try to fix fat distribution issues with anorexia, laxatives, bulemia, et al). Her “big thighs” was her genetic fat pattern, and she had a daily focus on them: how she dressed, her exercise, her self confidence. For her to change that pattern wasn’t possible with diet and exercise. Surgery evened out her fat pattern. And after surgery, I watched her relax and let go of her focus on them.
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- Depression. Yes depression. Frequently patients can have a brief period of let down after surgery. They may have subconsciously expected to feel and look better immediately. They may question their decision to have surgery. Even though they rationally know how they came to the decision to do surgery, the week after can be tough. You can’t do anything, you are numb and puffy and sore, you have pain, you look bruised and distorted, you are bored.
So why did I write this blog?
To let you know this is normal.
I think it is important to analyze why you are doing the surgery. What bothers you? What do you hope to achieve? If something happened (a complication), would you regret doing it?
Look at timing. If you are stressed out (recent divorce, move, job change, financial issues), this is not the time. Surgery is stressful. You need to be in a good mental place.
Have support set up. Have help in the house, all your laundry done, and frozen dinners in the fridge.
Pick the right surgeon. You need to have good communication with your doctor. Do they hear you? Do they understand what you want to achieve? Are they being honest with you about what can be achieved? What recovery looks like? We learn about the “doctor patient therapeutic bond” in medical school. It’s a real thing. One of my patients said “Picking a surgeon is like dating. You need to find the one.” I agree.
Expectations are important. You need to have realistic expectations of what can be done. I have morphing software which can show a projected “after.” I don’t use it much. The reason is the computer can do things which your tissue cannot do in real life. I prefer to show actual patient before and afters. Those results are real.